It’s Not About the Crib: What your Toddler’s Behavior really Means

Toddlers aren’t straight shooters. They don’t spell out for us why they do what they do. They make us dig for it; and sometimes we have to dig real deep to figure out what’s really behind their behavior or tears. Even when we don’t understand, and we think our toddlers are surely just trying to drive us crazy, their behavior always has meaning and their tears have a purpose.

Behavior is communication; plain and simple. However most of the time it’s not plain and simple at all. In order to respond appropriately to the needs of the child we must become like detectives and search for hidden clues to help us understand what is really going on. For example- the toddler who recently welcomed a sibling into the family and isn’t ready to part with the crib isn’t necessarily completely upset about the crib and is in fact distraught by what the crib represents. The crib represents security, comfort, familiarity. And in a season where life feels very unpredictable, the security, comfort and familiarity of the crib are something to cling to.

When we understand the deeper meaning behind the behavior or the tears, we respond differently. We stop trying to reason with our toddlers and instead we have compassion on them and their experiences. We hold boundaries, but we simultaneously give space for their feelings. In the same way that venting to a friend or colleague doesn’t change our circumstances, allowing children to express their emotions about something that is stressful, overwhelming or frustrating doesn’t change the outcome of our response either. Infants and toddlers are people. They have feelings and opinions just like you and I do. Just as we desire to be understood by those whom we love most, they too wish to have their perspectives validated even if the circumstances do not change. It is totally possible to have compassion for our children’s feelings while still holding a loving boundary.

When trying to determine the hidden meaning behind your toddler’s behavior or meltdowns, look at the whole picture. Everything in a young child’s life is connected. All of the external factors have an influence on their internal experience. When children feel uneasy, unseen, unsafe, or that life is unpredictable or chaotic it will have an impact on their behavior and emotional state.

Dig deep; what is your toddler’s behavior or emotional outbursts really trying to tell you?